Breaking Free from Busy: A Quiet Rebel Mum's Guide from To-Do to Being

I sat staring at my to-do list one evening, feeling that familiar tightness in my chest. Every item checked off seemed to spawn two more. Sound familiar?

I remember the constant refrain whenever I met another mum: "How are you?" "Oh fine, busy." It was automatic, universal - everyone I knew was busy. We wore it like a badge of honour, as if being overwhelmed somehow proved our worth as mothers.

Here's what I've discovered: our worth isn't measured in checkmarks. But that realization didn't come easily. When someone first asked me, "Who are you being?" I was completely thrown. Being? What did that even mean? The success of my day had always been measured in concrete achievements, performance markers, tasks completed. Who I was being seemed irrelevant - after all, wasn't doing what mattered?

Why Free Time Feels Like Enemy Territory

Remember that moment when your child was finally asleep, or that rare afternoon to yourself - and instead of relief, you felt almost panicky? You're not alone. For many of us "good girls" turned mothers, empty space in our calendar triggers such discomfort that we automatically fill it with more work. More tasks. More doing. Because if we're not doing something, who are we?

The Complexity of "Busy"

That badge of honour - "being busy" - shows up in so many ways. It's in the apologetic texts when we can't make an event ("Sorry, crazy busy!"). It's in the competitive undertone of school gate conversations about after-school activities. It's in the guilty pleasure of showing others our color-coded family calendars. It's in the way we respond to compliments about our achievements with "Oh, I just never stop!" But here's where it gets interesting - busy isn't inherently good or bad. The real question is: Are you choosing your busy?

When Doing Fills Your Cup

Let me share something personal: I spend a lot of my "free time" working. But here's the crucial difference - this work energizes me. It lights me up. It's not about escaping empty space or proving my worth. It's about choosing to invest my time in something that brings me alive.

The distinction isn't between work and free time. It's between conscious choice and autopilot.

Small Steps Toward Conscious Choosing

It often starts with something as simple as a morning coffee. When was the last time you sat and drank your coffee while it was still hot, rather than immediately jumping into household tasks? That simple act of pausing, of taking five minutes for yourself, can feel almost rebellious at first. Yet it's just five minutes - five minutes that might help you feel more like yourself all morning.

Consider that moment before automatically loading the dishwasher. What if you paused and asked yourself: "Do I really need to do this right now?" Sometimes the answer will be yes - and that's perfectly fine. But sometimes you might realize it can wait, creating a small pocket of breathing space in your day.

These might seem like tiny changes - and they are. That's exactly the point. We're not looking to upend your entire life or abandon your responsibilities. We're simply creating tiny spaces to check in with yourself.

Taking Those First Steps

If you're feeling a flutter of anxiety just thinking about making changes, you're not alone. Let's look at some genuinely manageable first steps:

• Before automatically saying yes to a request, practice saying "Let me check my calendar and get back to you" - even if you know you're free

• Take three deep breaths before moving to the next task on your list

• Notice when you're rushing through a task on autopilot

• Start asking "Is this urgent?" before jumping to tackle something

You might be thinking these steps seem too small to matter. But these tiny moments of pause create ripples. They help you begin to recognize the difference between choice and autopilot, without the pressure of making dramatic changes.

The Hidden Cost of "Just Busy"

Let me ask you something: What's that quiet voice inside you whispering about? The one that emerges late at night, or during rare moments of stillness? Maybe it's about that business idea you've been carrying. That community project you dream of starting. That book you know you have inside you.

Now ask yourself: If you stay on autopilot, constantly doing without consciously choosing, when will that thing happen? When will there be space for what truly matters to you?

Congratulations - you're busy. But didn't you have a yearning to be more than just busy? Didn't you feel called to create something meaningful, to make a difference in your own unique way?

Here's the truth that took me years to understand: Taking care of your needs, honouring your dreams, making space for your purpose - it's not selfish. It's essential. Not just for you, but for everyone around you.

The Ripple Effect

When we ignore our own needs, push aside our intuition, or override our body's signals, we're not just affecting ourselves. We're teaching our children that self-denial is a virtue. That pushing through exhaustion is strength. That everyone else's needs should come before their own.

But when we begin to pause, to check in with ourselves, to honour our own wisdom - even in tiny ways - we show our children something different. They learn that it's okay to have needs. That listening to their inner voice is valuable. That taking care of themselves isn't just acceptable - it's how we create the energy and space to truly serve others and bring our gifts to the world.

From Doing Lists to Being Lists

When we start making these small pauses, something interesting emerges. We begin to notice not just what we're doing, but who we're being while we do it. Being someone who rushes through breakfast versus being present with your family. Being someone who pushes through exhaustion versus being someone who honours their body's signals. Being someone who automatically says yes versus being someone who takes time to consider their true capacity.

Try creating a simple "being list" alongside your to-do list. Instead of "make dinner, help with homework, arrange playdate," you might notice:

• Being someone who listens to their intuition

• Being someone who pauses before responding

• Being someone who acknowledges their own needs

• Being someone who trusts their own wisdom

• Being someone who models self-respect
  

The Permission to Start Small

I remember my own journey starting with these seemingly insignificant moments. Sitting with my coffee felt oddly uncomfortable at first. That voice in my head would whisper "But there's so much to do!" Maybe you know that voice too. But each small pause, each tiny choice to check in with myself, began to shift something deeper.

These small choices might feel uncomfortable at first, and that's okay. Start where you are, with changes so small they barely register to others but begin to create new possibilities within you.